What I notice in my clients who are hard on themselves, have low self-esteem and low self-worth, and have perfectionistic tendencies, is the inability to just be. They are constantly doing. They are constantly trying to prove their worth and miss out on noticing their successes and accomplishments.
Depending on your family system, maybe you experienced a lot of shame around being idle or a need to live up to your parent’s expectations. Maybe you had to help out around the house, or help others before yourself. Maybe there was an expectation of high grades, and if they weren’t high enough, you still didn’t receive any praise or validation for a job well done. Maybe there was an expectation to be humble and in service because of a strict religious upbringing.
Whatever your past, it’s extremely important to celebrate yourself and your accomplishments. Recognizing your worth is what builds self-esteem. Telling people you’re success doesn’t make you arrogant, egotistical, or conceited. If you talked about yourself all day long that would be another thing. For those people who actually do that, they don’t actually have true self-confidence. They are also trying to prove their worth by talking themselves up, but subconsciously they don’t actually believe it. Tooting your own horn every once in awhile is a good thing.
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I had the opportunity to celebrate a big milestone tonight with my friend who just got engaged. Being the humble person that she is, she didn’t expect flowers or a card, but that’s what I gave her. She just wanted to see me. It can be hard for some people to accept someone showering them with love through material things and placing the attention on them. However, I knew the importance of honoring this special time in her life. Also, giving people gifts is how I show my love, so I wasn’t going to deny myself the pleasure of picking the flowers and picking a special card to impart that this event in her life matters, that she matters, that this is a big, exciting, momentous occasion.
When people don’t stop to celebrate their wins, they think they haven’t done enough and move onto the next thing, and then the next thing, and then the next thing. When you ask these people what they’ve accomplished in their life, they say nothing. Celebrating is a key part in the circle of growth and transformation. First you have a challenge and have no idea where to begin. They you gain some knowledge and figure out what you need to do. Then you take action to complete what needs to be done. Finally, you are meant to celebrate and rest. This part allows for self-reflection and to honor the learning and growth you experienced due to the challenge. You have to stop to see where you were, how far you’ve come, and where you are now.
Celebrate the big wins with all the people in your life who will be happy and proud of your accomplishment. Also, celebrate the small wins with yourself. When you suck at baking and made the most delicious chocolate chip cookies. Say to yourself, “I’m awesome.” Stay in the present moment. Breathe it in. Let the win be implanted into your conscious awareness and stored in your long-term memory, so the next time you want to bake you say I rocked at cookies, let’s try cake.
Remember making errors when you are doing something you’ve never done before is not a failure; it is a learning moment of what not to do next time!
I hope you start to celebrate the milestones in your, your family’s, and your friend’s lives!
Find out more about negative and limiting beliefs and connecting with your body in the multi-award-winning book Embodied: How to Connect to Your Body, Ignite Your Intuition, and Harness Universal Energy for Healing.